Love this goal. As an only child myself, I know how awesome it would be to have a sibling. And even my daughter, an only child, would love someone to be close with, to share those life experiences as only siblings can. I think wanting to help them learn to be friends is not impossible and in fact I bet they'll thank you for it. Can you guide them to treat each other as they would their little best friends at school? Listen, laugh, share? That kind of thing? If you catch it before they totally disregard each other, I think that's awesome. I am always amazed by a big family, the noise and chaos, shared ups and downs. I really admire this! 

Well, a little about myself, then.  I was the youngest of 3, and age 6, when my parents divorced.  I have a brother and sister older than me.  My father ended up with custody (weird, it was 1978 or thereabout).  So, about 3 years later, he met my step mother, who also was divorced and with 3 kids of her own, 2 boys and a girl.  And, that's how we became the Brady Bunch.   LOL.  Anyhow, I can't imagine life without siblings, as I ended up with 5. 

From the oldest to the youngest, there's about 10 years, my sister being the oldest, and one of my step-brother's being the youngest with the rest of us in between.  Now, every family has their problems, but I feel like ours are so limited comparatively.  Like I said, my husband's relationship with his siblings is so strained that it scares me. 

The book I wanted to read is ready for me at the library, so I plan to pick it up tomorrow.  I'm eager to see what suggestions this author has.  I've read a book of his before and it was quite helpful, so I'm hoping...

It's so funny how differently children can act in different situations.  We had a couple over the other day who are getting married in the Fall and we'll be dog-sitting their bulldog.  Later, they noted to other people how well behaved and mature my kids are.  HAHAHA.  How things look to others. 

Anyway, their little ticks and digs and lack of patience with each other drives me crazy.  However, yesterday, we dropped one of them off to Boy Scout camp, and the total change in behavior and demeanor in the other was amazing.  He's just so good now.  So, now that I finished the other novel I've been reading, I'll be focusing on this book this week and hope to have a plan ready to put to action when I pick up the other one on Saturday. 

Had some time to read the book today.  Main message so far is to stay out of it ~ unless someone will actually get hurt.  Getting back to my reading...

Don't take sides.  Don't wait until you're too aggravated to ask both of them to stop. 

This is gonna take time.  I'm working on it but it may take longer b/c the kids are already a little older.  Patience will help me out a lot right now.  Summer's are the worst!  There's a lot of togetherness :-)  Have to turn that into a good thing!

Zin, I totally get it. I made the mistake of not scheduling activities for my daughter this week and it's a zoo work-wise. So, working from home, flying on caffeine, fielding requests every 20 seconds from a bored kid. Not lovely. Patience. Me too.

Zin, I have a couple of suggestions that may help your situation as we're in the same boat over here.  My four are between the ages of nine & six.  Summertime is absolutely a challenge.  You're right - a lot of family togetherness time and even with a zillion possibilities, they all seem to get bored so quickly and want to be entertained, or in my case, need to be refereed.  Thankfully, in both our cases, the age gap is small enough that playing nicely together is not an unreasonable expectation.  Seeing as yours are a bit older though, I'm wondering if you've had a chance to sit them down to have a family discussion about getting along together and the behaviour you expect to see from them over the summer? We did this with all of them at the beginning of summer and had them agree that the expectations weren't unreasonable and that they could pull off 8 weeks of being good friends to eachother and sticking together at camp too.  You might be amazed at how just getting everyone (including hubs) on the same page can begin to have a positive affect. It helped that we got ours to agree that the expectations are not unreasonable too - kind of like we made a pact as a family to support eachother and have eachothers' backs.  The other thing you may want to consider is a reward system for the improved behaviour and maybe discuss it at the time you outline what you want to see. What I've found is that once the plan was established, praise, encouragement, recognition of their positive efforts brought about  more of the behaviour we wanted to see... if they're excited because a friend gets to come over or they'll get to pick the movie on the weekend or bedtime is extended half an hour, or whatever... it helped establish the positive habits.  This seems to work in our household.  Not perfect all the time, but absolutely an improvement.  The system also gives me a bit of leverage too - they'll lose the priviledge or reward if I'm seeing a lot of undesirable behaviour and of course, I can always threaten ; )  When all else fails - the trusted mantra helps:  'This too shall pass' and a nice glass of wine once they're all sleeping.

Really struggling with this one, still.  Things seem to calm down, and then all of the sudden, it's crazy again.  Andrea, I'm re-reading your note to see if any of it can help again.  They are both really, really, really trying my patience.  Really, really.  It's bad. 

Really??  Yeah, mine too, at this time.  Ever since we've been hit with the news of hubby's lymphoma, our routine has just been demolished and I've come to realize how important that routine has always been to us.  I'm going to re-read my note to you again too - maybe there's something there that can help me at this point as well.  I've always respected single moms who've pulled off the cleaning, cooking, chauffeuring and homework too.  My level of respect has been taken to a whole other level these days.   It seems like things have completely fallen apart over here and I'm really struggling to get us back on track.  I'm sticking with my mantra though... 'This too shall pass.'  ... the quicker the better.

Ok, just re-read what I wrote to you.  Hubby was admitted to the hospital today.  It's time for me to sit them down and have another discussion with them about working together, supporting eachother and being helpful around here.  I'll get back to you in a few days and let you know if there's been a difference at all over here.  Wish me luck.  Let me know how it goes on your end too.  Maybe you'll have better luck. 

OK.  So, I told the kids this morning when I dropped them off at school that there would be a family meeting tonight.  I'm actually making an agenda for it.  Such a dork!!

The meeting will cover helping around the house and I have a spreadsheet put together of things that need to be done as well as their frequency ~ and how much I will pay for it!!  At a future date, once they have some $$ saved up, we can work on money management with them (hopefully they'll do better than me).  The meeting will also cover homework, our new project of fostering boxers (new MLL goal listed), time management as well as getting along (and make them sign the "pact")

I am going to offer a slightly later bedtime for "good days".  That's a great idea!!

Andrea, obviously, you're in a much more stressful environment right now and I pray for that things will get better.  Hopefully with the kiddies back in school, you can focus more during the day on your husband AS WELL AS YOURSELF, and then just let the craziness happen when the kids get home (within reason). 

I wish us both LUCK!!!!

 Hi Zin, how'd the meeting go?  Hope things are working out for you.  I was looking for an update to see if things have improved at all.

The meeting itself went supremely well.  There were laughs (probably mostly at my expense), there were tears (in talking about fostering boxers - see that goal), everyone bonded over Mommy's dorkiness with my agenda!! 

Immediately following the meeting, the boys had ice cream and my younger one goes, "Josh, I want the striped bowl", then rethought and said "unless, of course you wanted to use it".  Which Josh kindly gave D the striped bowl. 

Since then, I'd probably say it's been OK as far as their getting along.  Not perfect, but OK.  Many other things we discussed on our agenda that we're working on as well.  Hmmm...  Maybe I should be setting up those as goals as well.

Happy to read that the meeting had a bit of an affect.  I try to encourage open communication after hubby and I have discussed things and let the kids talk too - we used to discuss things at dinner this way so it was ongoing.  Hubby hasn't been home for dinner in a week now and the kids are really missing him.  It's interesting to see how the dynamic between them has changed since our family has been separated.  Sometimes they amaze me with how they are trying to help eachother and get along, but they are very quick to lose it too.  Looking forward to reading the new goals you'll set up Zin.  Wishing you the best and I'll keep checking in.  I read your other update too about your fitness.  Fall is my favourite season to walk/hike - great fresh air and changing leaves - maybe you could fit that in sometime this week to give your muscles a chance to recover from the killer yoga?

Kids really seem to be trying ~ or, maybe it's just better because they're not together 24/7 now that they're back in school.  We struggle with homework/housework. 

Little by little, it'll all work out, I'm sure...

Thanks for the post, Alex, parenting is hard!!!  It's funny, I'm finding lately that the kids are getting along better, but driving me up a wall!!!  Maybe we've now entered the stage of them against us.  My boys are age 9 & 11.  No girls.  My 11-year-old's attitude toward us is unacceptable at times, and he's just plain lazy.  We're working on that as well.  He just got a phone for Christmas, so the threat of taking that away is, at this time, the only thing that seems to work...

 It was interesting for me to read through your story and the comments.  Having four kids myself, I can certainly relate.  One of mine is almost 11 years old, and he just seems to be in the stage where things go in one ear and out the other.  He seems to think he knows more than us, which makes it hard to talk any sense into him.  Honestly, he frustrates me to no end, mostly because he doesn't seem to respond well to solid teaching, whether it's from us, his teachers, or our church.  Chalk it up to middle school angst?  Maybe.  Parenting is hard.

Must be middle school angst.  My eldest turned ten in November and sometimes the attitude and tone that comes from her absolutely astounds me.  Generally, she's an angel.  Helpful and very rarely needing to be disciplined but sometimes, you can tell, she is frustrated with us not 'getting' her when it comes to her friends or her clothes.  Really??? We're into the clothes thing already??  It's amazing how fast the time flies.  Just yesterday, she was in diapers. Today, we're arguing about friends, clothes and her having 'alone' time without her brothers.  I agree, Parenting is hard.  My sister goes to work because she needs a break from her kids.  All four were home for two weeks over Christmas break.  Once the New Year hit, they'd had enough of eachother.  School couldn't start fast enough.  A LOT of bickering, tattling and general frustration.  Jigsaw puzzle contests helped for a bit.  

Middle school doesn't start until 7th grade, but I did go on the 6th grade camping trip (their last year @ elementary school) and boy, it was drama-filled.  Of course, I had to chaperone the girls, so I wasn't really with my son, but wow! 

I will say, however, for all his attitude, he is a good kid who is trying to grow up too fast - maybe that's my problem then!!! 

Andrea, it's funny, I was talking a couple of weeks ago to a stay-at-home dad and his wife sometimes gives him a hard time because of the fact that he's home and feels he needs a break.  I work full time, but I totally agree with him.  For the times when I'm home for extended periods, I hate to say it, but it's a relief to get back to work sometimes.  Though, I wouldn't give that time back with my kids for anything.  I like having the balance. 

So, this past weekend, I've given the kids a couple of projects to work on together. Cleaning out my front hall closet and the mudroom. I'm actually very proud of how they did, and how they worked together without my interference to get it done. 

"Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me ~ The Solution to Sibling Bickering", by Anthony Wolf