Awwww - Happy Valentines Day to both of you.

Awwww..  some.  Hope this is going well for you, both.

Thanks you two.  I haven't exactly started this goal yet.  "Relationships" are the topic for week 1 of a group life coaching thing we're doing at our house, so a week from today is when this particular goal will really kick into high gear (not that it wouldn't be a good idea to start even sooner).

Tonight I dug out the list of around 15 things that my wife says I could do to make her feel more loved by me.  After reading through them several times, it seems to me that her love language is "words of affirmation."  Telling her how much I love her, that I'm proud to be married to her, that I will always stick by her, that she's the only one I desire ... these are all things she needs to hear coming from me much more often than they do now.  

Words of affirmation also happens to be my "love language," so I should know exactly how much it can mean to have the person you care about most in the world say something postive about you.  I certainly do love my wife and would mean all these things she'd like me to say ... so there's really no reason why I shouldn't be saying them knowing how powerful the words will be.  It's such a small thing to do and I'm sure if I make it a regular habit, our marriage will be so much better off.

Part of me is a little worried that my saying these things will seem contrived given that it's a "goal" of mine.  I guess I just need to get over that or, at the very least, explain that I truly do feel those things even if I am trying to get into a habit of saying them.

Keep in mind that, while you are doing the 21 day challenge, even if it does feel slightly contrived at first it will become natural. If it's something you're not used to doing a lot, and it's something she's not used to hearing a lot then naturally it may feel a little off at first. That's OK, just keep running with it.

This is going OK.  Not great, but not bad either.  I've tried to do a couple of small things that I know work for her.  We're telling each other "I love you" much more often than usual, but I have to say that it's mostly her that says it first, so I can't take all that much credit for that.

The most important thing is that we seem to be getting along well lately.  I do need to step it up though!

This is the sweetest goal ever. I always enjoy when I see members putting their relationship goals up and sharing out loud something that many keep private. Developing deep connections is what this community is all about, and when we share what our instincts tell us to hide, we find that we're never alone, and that we have so much to learn from each other.

I can tell you that being in a healthy, lasting relationship is a gift that grows as you appreciate it. I have learned so much from my partner about sensitivity -- he calls it "right or polite." Will you argue a point or listen and learn? Communication is a constantly evolving dynamic, and I hope you will continue to share your insight.

What kinds of things were on your wife's list? I bet they're on all of ours, too. :)

Things like sticking up for her, being more compassionate and encouraging when she's down, reassuring her that she's the only person I'm interested in, telling her I'm proud of her and appreciating her for the role she plays in our family.  Yes, things I"m sure many women would like to see from their husbands.

And vice versa, too! It goes both ways, always, when you want to be in a great relationship. Those things are good for everyone, feeling appreciated, encouraged and understood is what we all want.

I think this is a great goal, because all it takes is a little more awareness and effort to make a huge difference. Keep going!

 My wife and I went to a marriage seminar called "RINGS."  Holy Cow!  It was crazy how intense and emotional the event was at times.  My eyes hurt that night from all the crying.  It was just emotionally exhausting, but in good way.  I think I learned a whole lot about my wife by going through all the different exercises they had us do together and I think it's going to help me be a better husband to her.  

One thing for sure is that we need to make more time to just be alone together with no distractions where we can just talk.  It's hard to get in that mode, even when we have our occasional date nights.  

 I love that you put this up as a goal. It shows your dedication. 

It can sometimes be hard to remember to express outwardly what we take for granted all the time "Of course I always love you. Why would you ever feel unloved?" But we're not mind readers. 

One thing I do is get heart shaped sticky notes and when my husband needs a packaged lunch, I often write a note (such as "I love you", "I miss you", "Good luck")and toss it in. When I pack for trips, I might toss one in his suitcase for him to find when he's unpacking. If I see a favourite food of his while shopping, I'll make note of it and pick it up once in a while. Just ideas to consider.

This is a beautiful goal, and I have no doubt that you will greatly succeed in creating more explicitly loving habits that will increase the love you shower upon each other.